im regressing. dated 24-08-2006

my last post before i called it quits.
a lot has happened since then. thought i had control over my life, but as we all know, we plan, but He executes. Amin.

been on a whirlwind life trip of sorts. embarked on a new career, made new friends, discovered new passions, but alas, everything came down crumbling a few months back. the facade that we all put on when we are facing problems, differs from people to people. i'm undergoing through a phase that even i do not understand. how can i seek solace in others when i am not even scratching the surface of my mind. i cant fathom the issues that im having, and i cant seem to pin the root of the problem. what i know is, yes we are all moving on, but at what rate im going, i cant say so for sure.

oh yes. my wedding was called off a month before the actual date. she called it off. im not blaming her, nor myself. probably its for the best. trying to get iktibar from this particular experience. how can sumthing that has lasted so long, evolved to being something so fragile in the process. probably the effort wasnt there.? i was prepared to go through all the emotional trauma associated with the relationship, but thank God, i didnt have to. i didnt waste 6 years of my life, thank you for being there, and giving me a chance to develop myself as a person.

next stop.? not actively trying to find a replacement, instead just letting God pave the way for me insya Allah.

life goes on, i love my family and friends, but i am disengaging myself for the moment.
used to find myself amongst my friends. as one after another has their responsibilities to fulfill, i find myself, lost. but trying to reignite the lost spark in me, on my own.

here we go.