i know.

it is happening, isn't it?
i asked when, and you replied, it's been a while.

i know.
i found myself drifting further away from you in recent times.
and i had preferred to sweep everything under the carpet.

my fault.
i know.
we should have had this talk earlier.
but i did tried to make things better
apparently the copulation of events didn't make it any better.

i lost indra,
i know, that sounds corny.
but tt event had an effect on myself.

just by observing ayul and aishah,
i learned a lot from these 2 kids.

and i am thinking of my future.
it is so blurry.

i'm moving on 23.
and still undecided on what to do.

i know.
my pal said to me,' naim, maybe you have reached the stage when you dont wanna be in a relationship, and you know who you want to spend the rest of your life with.'

that is creepy.
because tt is exactly what i'm feeling.
maybe not.

i know.
i am contradicting myself.
always doing so.

taking a break from each other huh?
most cooling off period result in break-ups.
and i don't want that to happen.
i dont want to hurt you, or myself.

you have been a wonderful girfriend.

i just need some time to recollect.

damn, i'm a flairing bastard.

i know.

selamat hari gatal. eh salah, natal. :D

good morning everybody.
just woke up, found myself in camp this cheery christmas eve morning.
blargh.

almost everybody is on off.
well, gonna clear my off next week though.

reflections.
do you know that it is hard to get by, especially during holidays, without any cash.?
i know.
because?
like i said, been up to my neck in bills and debts to mom.
gonna clear it by next month i hope.

next, a season of giving.?
somebody give me a million dollars then.?
fat hope.

everything has been erased,
the slate wiped clean,
but there is still that lingering feeling, unspoken uncertainty.
whether the bond still exists.
not to me at least.
but we're still a group.

i don't know what the future holds for us.
seriously.

i don't know what the future holds for me.
kinda bleak.

coming to that, the weather looks kinda bleak today.
please don't rain.
half day means i can go out.
and if it rains, i'll get wet.
logic right.?
but no cash, how am i supposed to go out.?
sigh.

and that IS logic.

till then.

the aftermath of it all..

stopped smoking for a month now.
flu, sore throat, the works.

but it is good,
its been light on the pockets.
and my finesse has improved.
bwahaha~

soccer last sunday.
kinda a reunion for us.
played through every game.
*grins

my budget is damn facking tight this, and next month.
blergh.
KL really broke my piggy bank.
have to pay mama around 200 dollars.
there's the bills and instalments to worry about.

well, Nira and Kenca are starting training soon, so i hope this will offset some of the expenses incurred.

even the ERS, will be used to pay mama back.
sigh.

life has been subtle.
i have this feeling that i am drifting away from everybody.
been so caught up with the idiosyncrasies of life.
that i have forgotten about myself.
i don't know where i stand at the moment.
what my wants, and my needs.

my loves.

pleasing everybody else can be demanding, more so for our ownselfs.

till then.

kuala lumpur, and so much more.

the KL trip was indeed great.
thanks to all the guys who made it,
we never thought it was possible, but we were determined to make the trip anyway.
thank you for the respective people who shared the workload, namely, suhaimi and hakim. and to my brother too, ayul.

shall i go into detail about my trip?
ahakz.
all i can say is that, i broke my budget.
har har, 400+ SG dollars is simply not enough.
lol, i had to use my supp card,

lotsa laughter, shopping, wedgies, and a few amateur porn videos to boot.
heh!

and KL's nightscene, is all hype. i think.
nuovo, was missing its patrons.
maybe it was a wednesday night.
but club ibiza rocks.
*grins

sunway, bukit bintang, petaling,
bled our pockets dry.

hoping to find ourselves there.
so we got back last thursday, after four days of partying. :)

friday was spent recovering from the trip.
and saturday, we had the Tampines Central Hari Raya show.
it was good..
sunday was for kompang.

last night, faizal had us together to settle the problem once and for all.

it was settled amicably.
for one, we had let them go and had no reservations about anything.
so last night, we got back together as a group, and again, i'm glad that we did so.
but, then again, like i always said. it's up to them to prove themselves.
we were brothers, turned friends, and indeed, will take time to rekindle that kind of friendship again.
nevertheless, i will put in effort in making us one again.

i love you all the same.
but to ayul, sorry bro, i do realise that i have always put the hai sing trio before you. and i am disappointed in myself for doing so.
so, just be the bestest bro that you can be aight?

-----

in camp now, totally no mood to work.
who does.?
lull period can be soooo relaxing.
bah..~

till then.

ikan di laut... asam di darat..

you know, i know..
heh!