whizzing through the days
life's been a blur nowadays, with a hundred percent focus on work. shifting my attention to something else has never been a problem for me, but not so for work. i admit i am a workaholic, and being at work for more than 12 hours everyday doesnt really give me the time to re-evaluate my wants, needs, and probably life.
imagine, wearing a 4 month old monthly disposable lenses.? ive got cloudy vision nowadays so dont be mad at me if i just dont notice ya out on the street aight..?
operation healthy lifestyle has kicked off, jogging is becoming like a drug to me now.. and probably, im down to my last carton of cigarettes. i surely hope so, since panting and having my chest tightening after every run bothers me quite a bit. my wardrobe has never been loose fitting, and that is one pretty obvious thing that i have noticed. amin.
i miss my family, and friends. a lot. surely hope this Ramadhan, i'll have the opportunity to re-connect with the ones i love. and talking about Ramadhan, my ICT will be on the 8th till 19th August. yes, a reprieve from normal daily routine, but on a fasting month!? sigh. nevertheless, it is again a good time to catch up with my old army buddies.
as i drone through this monotonous life of mine, well i did come into contact with a few people. coming to the subject of acceptance. this is me. well, you gotta accept me for who i am right.? yes, i might tweak a little things here and there, but then again, i am who i am. for all the complexity in life, what i can offer you is simply myself. but frankly, i have nothing much to offer. really. but i'll still give you everything that i've got. even if it's barely nothing at all. i'll give you early morning wake up calls, i'l; give you late nights, i'll give you long hugs, i'll give you a listening ear, i'll be that someone you can talk to for hours, i'll be there for you to lean on, i'll give you my hand for you to hold when you feel insecure, and someone who will always be there. and if that is not enough, just know you can have all of me too.
the insecurities i had a few months back are slowly diminishing. no thanks to me keeping busy with work. i guess we all have to let go, be it friends, lovers, or issues that are etched at the back of our minds. i'm accepting the fact that i live for myself. yes i may have friends, but arent we all busy with our own lives.? it is no longer the case where our lives were entwined with each other, and i am still wondering how is it possible that something so closeknit can just untangle itself over the years. i know it needed something or someone to actually keep it together, and yes, it has always been me taking the initiative. but as my own life crumbled, i guess i cant really be there for everyone, cant i..?
helpless, no. i am starting to get back up, albeit a bit dazed in doing so. starting to regain the confidence along the way, where is it coming from..? tribulations and setbacks will actually give you that boost. so never be afraid to fail, because by only by failing, onty then you will learn..
