faith IS a big thing.

some news were broken to me just now.
and made me lose my faith in the people i adore.

not one, not two, God knows.
sigh.

all the while, i've been trying my utmost best.
and this is what i deserve?
or even some of us, deserve.?

after all these years.
your roots, bro.
remember your roots.

that's all i can say.

tonight is wasted.
thanks hakim, for the game.
it did lift me up a lil bit.
a lil minuscule bit.

i'm being pessimistic.
but i guess, this time round, i'm throwing in the towel.
can't be there for everyone, can't i?

listen to this.
The Ataris - Alone in Santa Cruz

i wanna run away..........

spiralling downwards

the past few trainings have been very slack.
and its downright disappointing.

irony.
its a big thing.
Mega Perdana
yet, the guys are staying away from trainings.
why you may ask.?
save for the few commited ones, the rest lament abt the competition dates being to close to their examinations.
damn, i've been thru tt too.

its all a matter of time management.
ok fine, studies are your top priority
i wont challenge tt.

but for those staying away because of a few, measly, stupid, trivial problems tts been plaguing panjy, then, you are a big f****** loser.
right, go on blaming others abt the low morale in our group,
but by doing so, you are contributing to the dismal situation.

at least you can do is to show commitment,
and abt the morale thingie,
i think i can manage it.
try to source out the problem areas and try to deal with it.

come on guys.
this is it.
although we're not expected to win, the best we can do is to show what we're made of right?

there's another character among one of us.
let me tell you, not playing with us up there on the stage, doesnt make u any lesser a Panjyian.
come on, 'semua orang ade pasang surut dia...'
ok bro?
and abt the incident, rather accident, i'll pray for the best
hope there wont be any serious implications.

sigh.
i'm not being egoistic
but somehow or rather, me, not being with the guys as often as i used to, have failed to keep them together.
my absence seems to have affected the bond/spirit among us.
and i feel it for myself too.
keep thinking of you guys whenever i'm in camp.
and thanks Hakim, for bringing the guys over for the AVP movie screening.
really appreciate tt.

ah, i have the nights off today, cause i have a medical appointment tmrw.
so tmrw i'm not werking,
just tt i'm booking in at 2359 hrs tmrw night.
yeap, and no training tonight.
sigh.

icky with soot all over.

back from a bbq
was a success, everybody enjoyed themselves.
i was the resident chef,
from starting the fire, to preparing the food,
but felt good uh, helped to make the event enjoyable.

a good shower is what i need.
later, need to settle down.

and yeah, no hrc today.
am really tired.

didnt sleep last night, was over at TP for MAG's taklimat camp.
performed an impromptu show.
went to johor after tt with indra.
reached back TP at around 3 in the morning, and stayed up all night talking with the guys.

resolved some matters regarding soba, its good tt i talked to him
guessed i might have spent over an hour talking to him

i feel good, being able to resolve certain matters which are deemed 'untouchables'
tt is, its either too sensitive to talk abt, or just simply a taboo .
being able to come to a point where people agree with whatever you're trying to do abt something, makes you feel at ease, knowing they trust you

panjy.
what is it?
a dikir barat group?
just another dikr barat group?

its a lifestyle. to me at least.
my brothers. family.
the manner in which the guys have assimilated into each other's lives, never fail to amaze me.
the bond created, is simply meaningful in which i cannot describe in any adjective available.

be it panjy, or any other population, group, or a clique.
remember, words can kill a friendship.
its doesnt have to be physical,
a rumor-monger will distort facts.
and tt is bad, i tell you.

cause, i've been through it.
i just want a happy panjy.
pls.?

mega perdana finalist????

dengar dengar panjy masuk finals?
ahakz.
yerp, dengan berkat Allah swt, panjy dapat melangkah ke pusingan seterusnye....

lolz
well, thanks bros, for making this happen.
its just another 'show' for us..
its not abt winning ya?

the week went fine..
i, robot on thursday.
booked out, then went to meet up with lyah.
after the movie, went back to her place for a late dinner

its a nice movie.
there was a twist nearing the end of the movie.
nice...~

work has been good too.
just tt, there are some incorrigible people.
who is ever ready to push work onto someone else.
or just plain smoke out.
which means to disappear.

well, i'm just doing my own things there.
the guys there who stay in with me are a bunch of great ppl.
its nice talking cock with them at night.
haa!

was from a bbq pit just now
the hai sing kids organised it.
just for us.
the senior instructors.
was indeed touched by the gesture. had fun. and had a great time.

i'm still lost for ideas. for sri temasek tt is.
for nira, and submission date for the lyrics is 22 august.
'titik permulaan'
i dont know what to write abt.
leave me some ideas k.?
*grins

getting sleepier by the second.
see ya tmrw guys.
at hrc.
rastafari aye...~

deadbeat

back from everything
*breathes slowly*

today was such a long day
i mean long.
morning, had to clean rifle,
and do my work in the office
then rushed home for kak zie's bday lunch
we went to pondok gurame

then i was off too temasek poly uh,
for pages.
pages is this show, where all the ccas come together
was a blast.
we got good reviews.

but i was sad.
hakim wasnt there with us.
he's really distancing himself nowadays.
and i dont like tt.
in fact i dont like the idea of my frens distancing themselves from me.

been reposed of any energy left.
hope tmrw, i can still give it my all for the semis.

had the ntu/nie show just now too.
was great.
now you see why i'm deadbeat.
been going back and fro for trainings every single day.
returning to camp late at night.
sigh.

time check- 0318
hmmph,
tired and sleepy,
but muh loyal readers wanna know stuffs.
ahakz.

to my dear bros in panjy,
lets do our best for tmrw.

to hakim, growing old together is what we're gonna do ya
we gonna settle all our differences

my cousin's getting married tmrw.
tt means, right after performing, i gotta go.
shucks,
but i guess i have to spend more time with my family..
hmmz

i foresee i'm gonna be freaking busy for the next few weeks due to my PATS.
its a routine check by the higher authority actually.
so hafta settle all my files and stuffs.
*yawnz*

aarrgh.
cant bring myself to type anything else.................
till the next post ya.
morning